Technically Challenged

Burned Tortilla
New(ish) and challenging toaster.
Cinders everywhere.
Actually, this doesn't look so bad, but I didn't eat it.

I love toast, I eat it nearly everyday. I had a $10 toaster from Kmart that lasted me about 10yrs but near the end of its life I had to toast my bread twice at the highest setting in order to get it even mildly crisp.

My mother gave me a toaster for Christmas in 2007!

I went through half a loaf of bread trying to figure out how to not burn it. Judge me not--I was conditioned by years of inferior toasting.

During 2008 I gained mastery over the toaster; however, half slices of bread apparently toast more quickly. That makes no sense whatsoever.

In an attempt to include whole grains in my diet I decided to try corn tortillas. Not so good when microwaved.

With great caution/restraint I tried toasting a tortilla at level 1. Nothing.

I turned it up to 2.

Leathery.

Fearing level 3, I toasted again at level 2.

Closer to crunchy.

One last time at level two and suddenly there was black smoke billowing through the kitchen.

Luckily, I had a box fan sitting in the kitchen which I hastily used to direct as much smoke as possible into the garage. My house reeked of smoke for days.

I have experimented with different settings, frozen and room temperature tortillas. Perhaps they weren't meant to be toasted.

Please don't pressure me to buy a crock pot.

Gum

My favorite gum!
Mint Mojito in particular, it tastes like Vietnamese food!

I do have other things I could write about but I can't live without gum. It's not that I particularly want to be chewing all day, it's just that there's nothing worse than breathing in the air of a person who could really use a stick. I never want to be that person!

Breath mints are great but they don't last very long. It's gum or nothing, sugarless at that.

I hated brushing my teeth when I was a kid because the toothpasted burned my mouth. (Oh, the pansy kids of today have it easy with all the "mild" and "fruity" toothpastes! I'm kidding.)

So, as a reward for brushing my dad would let me chew a piece of Wrigley's Spearmint gum--the kind that says, "Hello." Not sugar free.

No great wonder that few of my teeth remain in their natural state. How did this degenerate into another oral hygiene blog?

Have you ever noticed that the larger the wad of gum, the greater the urge to blow a bubble? To avoid this in potentially sensitive situations (classroom, work, church, choir) I usually stick to half a piece. Orbit gum isn't quite as amenable to halving (not to be confused with calving) as other varieties so the other day I stuck an entire piece in my mouth before going to the store.

Inevitably the bubble blowing motions started but somehow they got of sync; the blow overcame the compression and a green blob of gum went flying out of my mouth.

Relieved that I'd been unobserved I retrieved the offending glob but I couldn't stop laughing. That part was kind of embarassing.

New Theory on Stubby Fingers

Ok, I still believe palm to finger proportions have everthing to do with the stubbiness of fingers, but I have revised my theory which may have been proven wrong by Maria; I'm not conceding completely.

(By the by, Terry, whom I freely acknowledge as Queen of Proper English and Grammar, thinks my semi-colon usage is correct! Wahoo! I will be using freely, henceforth.)

Today I took notice of the hands of one of my fellow carpoolers (save the planet....) She's tiny, her hands are tiny: Her fingers are not stubby! (Branching out here with a colon.) I refrained from asking her to hold her fingers up against her palm since she was driving; however, I made this assessment--her palm width is like a good inch narrower than mine.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll ask her to compare hands with me.

Actually, with my classmates I'm not completely out of the closet when it comes to obsessions, phobias peculiarities, etc. Maybe I'll wait on that hand comparison thing, just a bit.

My Day

I've just spent a rather large sum of money investing in technology I hardly understand. That's my next post--technically challenged!

My program requires us to buy a PDA and a program called Epocrates Essentials so that the latest drug/disease information is at our fingertips--literally. Of course, oldilocks that I am I fear all change and postponed my purchase until the last possible moment.

After much stress and very little research I decided to buy a Palm smartphone (cheapest option) and had resigned myself to carrying around an ugly chunky thing. I went to the mall today and the Sprint kiosk had Disappeared. Evaporated. Completely Gone. I kid you not. I had just been there on Thursday afternoon, mind you, and talked to the guy! It was a very Twilight Zone kind of feeling.

I went to Costco and bought an IPod Touch. I've spent the past 2+ hours trying to figure out how to a) charge the darn thing b) sync it --whatever that means c) spend even more money purchasing Epocrates d) make my wireless connection available to anyone within range.

I've been having wireless issues and the only way I could figure out how to access my own network (couldn't remember my password) was to change it back to default settings without any security settings. So, go ahead, access my network, invade my privacy. I'm helpless.

Can someone please invent a cable I can attach to my brain?

McDonalds

We watched Super Size Me in class as part of our section on Obesity. Highly entertaining, I give it two thumbs up. The "Artistic Genius" and Big Mac guy were both a little disturbing...

I rarely if ever eat at McDonalds and thought I might never eat there again after watching the movie, but I found myself craving a burger that very evening. I was still craving one the next day so I purchased and devoured a Big & Tasty, all 470 calories, and it was tasty. Although, I did add extra salt, pickles and ketchup. No surprise.

Big & Tasty

Uh, nevermind...

It turns out there are detailed instructions for the sonicare, all concerns have been addressed. Sheesh.

Am I impaired?

My sisters and mothers gave me a Sonicare toothbrush for my birthday!

Concerned as I am about oral hygiene it's the perfect gift; however, I don't think I understand how to use it. (is that proper semi-colon use?)

Yes, clearly it shouldn't be this difficult or instructions would be included, right?

Am I supposed to actually exert pressure and go through the motions of brushing, or simply place it against my teeth and move it from tooth to tooth in an orderly fashion?

Plus, when, if ever, does one get the opportunity to spit? I tried spitting and the vibrating brush sent toothpaste everywhere. I tried not spitting and had drool running down my chin.

If I turn it off to spit, I end up in an endless loop of 2 minute brushing cycles. Eek! My gums!

Am I too OCD for an electric tooth brush? Oh no! Let toilet training never be too strict, I'm ruined.

Ben Stiller and Rex Reed are following my blog, celebrity recognition is so gratifying.