Don't Tell M What to Do

Many years ago after being scolded for saying to our mom, "Don't tell me what to do, young lady!"  my brother changed his response to, "Don't tell M what to do!"  

What does this have to do with flying a plane? I'll tell you. Hahaha, just kidding.

Whilst my mother was visiting her homeland (not Sacramento) I went to mow my parents' lawn. My father supposes the ground is more like a sieve than a sponge and thus requires phenomenal amounts of water in order to fill that sieve. Standing pools of water are not an indicator of saturation.

As you might guess, the grass is never dry, fairly anemic, and quite long. As you might also guess, the lawn mower has a hard time with long,wet grass. Anemic grass has no effect on mower function.

As I mowed the first row, my dad motioned for me to come over. "You're not running the engine fast enough."  It's on maximum speed.

On the second pass he motioned for me to stop again. "When you're mulching there should be a plug in the blower hole."  I checked before I started, it's in there. "Lift up the flap so I can see."

Third pass, he stops me again. "You're walking too fast."  Seriously now, I'm considering a new mowing pattern that keeps me on the far side of the yard where I can't see him motioning for me to stop!

Fourth pass--I'm not looking up, pretending I don't see him waving me down. I get to the pavement, can't turn around without running over my dad, must stop. "The lever's not fully in the high-speed position."
Aaagh! Don't tell M what to do!

Maybe it's all part of the conspiracy.

Conspiracy Theory

I believe my family is conspiring to make me crazy. For your assessment:

My parents, being unaquainted with all things computer, asked me to discontinue the dial-up internet connection my sister had established for them. Why they asked me when it is my sister who has been managing/paying for the account I do not know. I asked my sister if she would discontinue the account since she is the one being billed, but she felt it would be easier if I took care of it since I had access to a notebook in which my mother had recorded her user name--consisting of her first initial and last name. Ok, I can see that is tricky information, I'll be sure to reference the notebook when I call.

I called and supplied the account holder's name--my mother's--and her telephone number. So far so good.

Operator: "Please tell me the last four digits of your mastercard."
Me: "Uh, I'm not the one paying. I don't have a card number."
Operator: "I'll have to verify with the secret question. What is the birth city of the account holder?"
Me: "Uh...Tokyo?"
Operator: "That does not match."
Me: "Saitama-ken?"
Operator: "No."
Me: "Yamanashi-ken?"
Operator: "No."
Me: "Wait! I'm doing this for my mother, I can't remember the name of the city where she was born!"
Click.

I called my sister, "I couldn't answer the secret question! Where was our mother born?"
Sister: "Sacramento."
Me:  "What?"
Sister: "I put Sacramento because it's easier to remember."
Me: "What?"
Sister: "That's where I was born."

Aaarghh!

Sister Wives

This one I stole from a blog la Guera Salsera follows, it's too fascinating not to share. Sister Wives is a new TLC show about a polygamous (soon to be prosecuted) family in Lehi. They're fundamentalists, as I suppose all polygamists with Mormon origins call themselves, but they're not of the infamous Warren Jeffs-FLDS variety. Kody and his gang are part of the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB) group. Remember a crazy fella named Cody Judy? It's all in the name, brothers and sisters.

They seem pretty normal but every once in awhile they pop out something crazy like, "The first time I kissed Kody was across the altar because it's not right to kiss a married man."   But it's ok to date one?

While I don't endorse polygamy, I do wonder why it's illegal to make a commitment to multiple women and have lots of kids, but legal to have multiple uncommitted relationships and still have lots of children.

"Come On Vacation, Leave On Probation"

I had just sat down at the gate for my return flight to Utah when I became aware of a man talking very loudly on his cell phone, "...yeah, I hired a lawyer...blah, blah, blah." It was incredibly annoying and as I hoped to do some studying while waiting for my flight, I moved to another area without even a backward glance.

As the plane started to taxi, the guy in the aisle seat asked me if I was from Utah. He then proceeded to tell me, "You come on vacation, leave on probation."  Huh?

"Yeah, I hired a lawyer." Oh no, the annoying man from the gate!

"Yeah, I got arrested for having a loaded handgun."  Uh, stewardess?

I tried feigning sleep but he kept right on talking anyway so I got to hear all about him being drunk with a loaded gun at some lake in Brigham City and how his dog was put in the pound for the entire weekend eventhough he was only in jail overnight.

Now tell me, why is it people who are seriously lacking in education, common sense and decency are allowed to own guns? Why does anyone need a gun? This is not Colonial America and we do not need to shoot our own food, nor do we need to organize a militia to fend off any Redcoats. Good grief, this is how people get shot...

No, not an altered image.

"An Unmarried Woman"

I decided to refinance my home and signed about a billion documents today. One of those documents was some paper registering me with the county and I was listed as, "An unmarried woman."

What, pray tell, does that have to do with anything?

And while I'm speaking of the absurd, for some reason they decided to process this loan under my full name, meaning I had to sign first, middle and last name on everything. I don't think I've written "Sumiko" in cursive, ever. Is that one hump or two on the m...Why does a cursive m have three humps anyway?  Who made that up? Do we make three little loopy things for a cursive w??

I make a motion to abandon cursive writing. What's the purpose anyway? We don't use fountain pens anymore or anything with a nib (nib?), so theres no longer a need for a smooth, flowing style of handwriting. Curses on cursive, I say!

Birthday DJ

This is the most ridiculous ecard ever, but do you recognize the Birthday DJ?
And, holy cow, check out the raised L eyebrow midway through.

Parking Meters

I don't often have occasion to use a parking meter but several recent trips downtown have convinced me our little city on the lake needs a serious upgrade. I pulled into a stall and realized I had no change. Who carries cash these days, let alone coins?? Ugh, I ended up purchasing an unwanted, very expensive beverage in order to get coins. $.25 for fifteen minutes is undoubtedly a bargain but it's a major pain!  And what kind of money is that making the city anyway? Is it even paying the salary of the meter-maid? Is there such a person? Meter-man?

While we're at it, lets get rid of the penny.