Violator?!

I was in a terrible rush the other morning...

$90, can you believe that?? I guess I'm glad he only cited me for 5 mph above the posted limit. Sheesh!

I decided I needed to obscure identifying information, but perhaps I shouldn't have used actual words. कर्सेस Should have written in हिंदी! Haha, I crack myself up! I also just realized I made a note to myself and wrote the wrong date. Too much work to re-edit.

The Unfortunate Advantages of Eating vs Running

To deal with anxiety don't we all need a little flood of endorphins to soothe our stressed out brains? While there are various ways to induce that surge --recreational drugs, alcohol, connubial (yes, that's a word) relations, food and exercise--moral, not to mention legal, obligations preclude 3 of the 5 leaving me with food and exercise.

While I must confess I invariably feel better after running, food has so many advantages.

1. Thirty seconds vs 30 minutes -- an immediate sense of well-being with that first mouthful of luscious food--can you deny it?

2. No need to leave the house

3. No need to change clothes

4. No need to shower afterward

5. Easy on the knees (until subsequent obesity kills them...apparently the knees lose either way)

6. Requires no effort

7. Never too out of shape to eat

8.Available 24/7 without fear of getting killed on a dark street

Sorry, not clever enough to come up with Ten.

Alas, I'm fully aware of all the disadvantages of medicating myself with food. If only it didn't work so well! And yes, I know, there are other ways to achieve endorphin release (laughter, sunshine, etc.), but then I couldn't have said they were verboten and the blog just wouldn't have worked. Besides, food would still win in the end by virtue of convenience. Curses!

Camera in the restroom.

I was the only person in the restroom at Costco and there was this funny little rubber-duck! How could I resist? Of course, just as I snapped the picture an employee walked in.

Hasty exit, no eye-contact.

Self-diganosis

Posed in order of preference.

Two summers ago my eyes started having problems focusing. Things like glancing into the rearview mirror and then back to the road were problematic--like it would take several seconds for my eyes to re-focus whilst hurtling down the road at 65mph. Yes, I know, alarming and a bit dangerous.

Concerned, I went to see the opthamologist who did LASIK on me (7 yrs ago), maybe there was a surgical complication. He checked out my eyes and then said something about me getting older. I flipped out. "I'm only 40!" Trying to lower my voice, I hastened to add that I didn't experience this focus-problem while reading, in fact I could read fine print with ease, thank you very much. "Isn't it possible I have a tumor, or MS?" Family history, you know...

He agreed to see me again in three months. At the follow-up appointment we had pretty much the same conversation.

"It comes and goes!" was my new argument. "It couldn't be age-related if it doesn't happen all the time, could it?" His explanation was my eyes get fatigued after reading for an extended period of time and then they're not able to focus while driving. He encouraged me to purchase 1+ reading glasses at All a Dollar. I was miffed. He'd be sorry when I lost my eye to the tumor!

Nevertheless, I purchased reading glasses, several actually.

I am both dismayed and delighted to report that the problem persists despite diligently using the reading glasses for over two years. As before, it comes and goes--trouble focusing for weeks at a time, unbothered for another few. Squinting helps alot with getting things back into focus when driving, so I don't feel quite so hazardous on the road. Alas, it only worsens my mad-look.

I've come to the conclusion (almost) that it's actual fatigue, i.e. lack of sleep, that causes the problem. I just need a couple nights of 8.5hrs sleep in order to test my hypothesis. Easier said than done. Caffeine does not fix this problem.

Meanwhile, I still wear the reading glasses, just in case.

"Am I getting old?"

"Oh no, not you."

--from Gigi

Vinegar II

I have a new theory, purely anecdotal.

I think deniers of vinegar would actually really like and use it more if they had not already satisfied their need for something acidic with other things such as fruit, soda, juice, gatorade, crystal light etc.

Teaching the 7-8 yr olds

I substituted in primary on Sunday with the 7 and 8 yr olds. They were so funny! I asked what stories they knew about Jesus and one girl said, "Jesus cleansing the lepers." They asked what leprosy was and I said it was a disease you can get where your fingers and toes sometimes fall off.

At the end of class I asked what we'd talked about and they said, "The sacrament, and Jesus!" I was so proud. Then I asked, "What are you going to think about during the sacrament next week?" and one of the boys yells out, "Fingers and toes falling off!" Totally hilarious.

Excavating the flower bed

Can you seen the hole? Not in the pot...

My front flower beds are filled with clay and I've struggled for years trying to get things to grow in them. I finally decided I'd had it and started digging out the blasted stuff and uncovered this tunnel.

A few years ago I had a gopher problem, it kind of felt like Caddyshack. No matter how much bait/poison I put out, new mounds kept appearing and my plants kept disappearing. How much poison can one rodent ingest? Apparently quite a lot, like two packages of rat poison--those little green brick things.

I looked at traps but they are vicious, and then there's the small problem of emptying the trap.

I tried gopher bait which required poking around with a long stick until I found a tunnel, digging down to the tunnel, depositing a spoonful of stuff that smelled like carrion, and then carefully covering up the hole so as not to bury the bait. I was just sure the gopher, or worse yet a bunch of rats, would appear at any moment and crawl all over me as I crouched on the ground.

I don't know which method worked but eventually new mounds quit appearing.

What are the odds of me finding a gopher carcass? Sick.